The Rubber Band Effect

So it's been roughly 9 months or so since I've last blogged, which there are several reasons for.  And who knows, this may be the only time I blog for the next 9 months.  But that's really neither here nor there.

For awhile I've been stuck in a rut.  I'm not really sure how to describe it other than that.  It's a rut.  And it seemed as though no matter how hard I "tried" to get out of it, I "couldn't."  I'd almost make it, then just as I was at the top, I'd fall right back down again.  And there I'd be, still stuck in the rut.

I quote the words "tried" and "couldn't" because the reality is there are things I could have done to get out.  The reality is I made a choice not to get out - I just perceived it as I "couldn't" so that I could continue to be stuck - if that makes sense.

I was visiting family today and my (highly adorable) almost 6-year-old cousin said something that was hilarious - but then struck me as also applicable to this scenario.  She said "Sam, I can't decide who I love more...cousin Marly, or you cousin Sam."  In my rut, I felt as though this is where I was at with God - "God I can't decide who I love more, you or my idol over here."

And because I continually chose "my idol" - I was continually "stuck."  I call this the rubber band effect because when it feels like we're stuck in this rut, we seem to be wearing a rubber band that will only allow for us to climb so far before it snaps us back down.

So for the past few weeks, lets be honest, months, I've been choosing my idols time, and time, and time again.  I know what's "right," I know what I "should" choose, I just...don't.

But today as I was standing in church something hit me square in the face.  For the first time in awhile, I felt God speaking to me and this is what I heard - "I'm fighting for you.  Don't you understand that there's a battle for your soul?"... and in that instance it was like a brick wall exploded inside of me.

Here are a few things that I would like to point out in Scripture:

1) GOD doesn't tempt us
2) Temptation --> drags you away --> you get enticed --> desire is conceived --> sin --> sin grows to death
3) God's law brings FREEDOM - not a boring, restricted, uninteresting life

Those things can all be found in James, chapter 1 - I encourage you to read about it for yourself.

I was so blinded by my idols that I couldn't see what was right in front of me the entire time.

I have much more to say on this subject, but for now my laundry is done and I should attend to some adult responsibilities like cleaning and jogging and reading TIME Magazine.

Until next time.

Samantha

For[give]

Hello dear readers!

How are you today?  I hope well.  Today marks 5,000 hits on my blog - so someone out there must be reading my my ramblings.  That is good, I suppose.

New on the blog this week:

I have added a bucket list page and a verse of the week page.  More pages soon to come...

The topic today is this: forgiveness.  It seems like such an easy word.  Such a simple idea.  Someone punches you in the face, you simply turn the other cheek and let them punch that one while you say - it's ok friend!  Right?  No?  What then?

Lately, I have had to learn how to CHOOSE to forgive.  That has been something somewhat new for me.  Trust is something, for me, that I initially give out fairly freely - until you break my trust... then you better believe you will need to earn every penny of it back.  This is how I was raised. 

So forgiving someone for breaking my trust goes against every single fiber of my being.  125.7%.

But, within the last few months I've had my trust damaged a few times... beaten down, kicked around, played with, and tainted...

I found this song - Losing, by Tenth Avenue North.  When I heard this song, something just broke inside of me and things started to make sense... slowly... this is the song:

We feel as though when someone hurts us that we deserve to hang on to that anger or hurt.  As if by hanging on to it longer we can feel better, stronger, ...more powerful?  

The song says this - "truth is it doesn't matter if their sorry or not...freedom comes when we surrender..."

I can tell you that these words cannot be more well put.  Freedom does not come from you building up anger, hurt, frustration, and revenge in your heart.  Freedom comes when you choose to give those feelilngs to God. 

It's a choice.

I think of it like this.... if Jesus can forgive me for all the things I've done....why do I deserve to not forgive someone who has hurt me? 

Jesus paid the ultimate price for all of MY sins.  All of my past sins... my current sins... my sins yet to come.

I have no right to not forgive my brothers and sisters in Christ... no matter how "great" that I feel the sin is.

And...the song is right when it says that freedom is the outcome of forgiveness... and ultimately, it doesn't matter if they are sorry or regretful... because reality is this: they might never be sorry...

So it's up to you.  Release it.  Give it to God.  Don't harbor bitterness.  Because by harboring bitterness, you will open your heart up to a gateway of other sins.  Rip that bitterness out - hand it over - release it - heal - move on.  It may not be easy, but friends, its worth it.  Don't you want to live a life of freedom...?

God is good.  Always.  Put it on His shoulders - they are big enough to carry the weight.

Be blessed!

In Him,

Samantha

So you are a Christian...?

Hello dear readers!

It is 9:13pm - a much better time to blog then 2am when all of your thoughts are a bit skewed.  I will need to make this quick because I have to get back to studying for an exam I have tomorrow.  Yuck.  Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about this question - what does it mean to even be a Christian?  It seems like a relatively simple answer...right?  I've also had people ask me - .."so, uh, you are a Christian so that must mean you have to follow a lot of rules and stuff, right?" ... and other things like ... "your a Christian...so you are a 'goody goody, yeah?"...

So essentially, in the "world's eyes," Christianity can mean a few things...

1) You don't party, have sex, or do drugs.  So basically, you don't have fun.
2) You are a good person, and you try to do good things.
3) You are mushy, soft-hearted, and sentimental.  You love children, animals, elderly, the poor, and the environment.
4) You are wrong.
5) You are just nuts.

And to Christians, Christianity can mean a few things...

1) Just believe in Jesus and then you can feel free to do as you please.
2) You should do good things and try and be a good person.
3) You dress up and go to church on Sunday's ...and smile.

...and on and on.

Anyway - so this brings me to my main point: What does it mean to be a Christian?  Because I don't think the answer is as easy as posting "Christian" as your religious views on Facebook.

But... what does it mean to be a Christian at the grocery store?  At the gym?  At the mall?  While waiting in a line? 

If, as a Christian you believe that Jesus is the key to salvation, shouldn't this idea, this love, penetrate everything we do and say?  Yes.  But does it?  Not often.  Why?

In James it explicitly says that faith without deeds [or actions] is worthless. 

Did you catch that?

Worthless.

worth·less 

1. having no value: having no financial or other value or usefulness
2. lacking good, attractive, or admirable qualities: having no good, attractive, or admirable qualities at all

Having no value.  Lacking good qualities. Having no good qualities at all.

I will be the first to say I know my actions don't always line how they should  I know that I do not always display Christ the way I should.  I know that I am human.

But.  I don't want that to be an easy way out...an excuse. 

I want more passion, more persistence, more of Jesus - simply put.

The ultimate goal is to serve Jesus and glorify God.  I want to serve Jesus through my career, my life, my relationships, my money, my possessions... but I don't want any of those things taking the place of Jesus - because ultimately - all of those things will fade - but He will remain forever.

So my prayer is this...
1) I want more passion to serve more boldly and to live out the truth I read about...and not just let God's word be a nice thought in my heart.
2) I want my actions = my words = my thoughts.  I don't want to say one thing, do another - or even think another for that matter.
3) I want to see Christianity for what it really is...not some label or a title.  But what it really means.

Be blessed!

In Him,

Samantha 

The Power of the Tongue

Hello dear readers!

Well it is currently 2:28am, so it seems we have a current theme of my blogs getting wrote later, and later, and later...

But today is my "Friday," so I'm going to okay with this for now.

I've been thinking a lot on the topic of "thankfulness" considering that Thanksgiving is right around the corner... stay tuned for a 'thoughts on thanksgiving' post coming soon.

If you've been following my posts these last few days, you'll know I'm currently wrestling through James.  I don't even feel as though my previous posts have adequately addressed the book and all of my thoughts on it - but a "tid bit" at least gets you thinking.

So here it is, James chapter 3.

The "overall" theme of James 3 seems to be the "tongue" and the power it holds.  I know we don't often think of our tongue having power...but the Bible clearly illustrates something much, much different.

"Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts."

"...no man can tame the tongue"

I read these and think - "yes, well that makes sense."  Words hurt, yep I get it.
I get to the next verse.  Then the conviction comes....

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.  Out of the same mouth come PRAISE and CURSING."

Woah.

I just have to pause there for a moment.

So much comes to mind: the angry words I said in my car when a driver cut in front of me, the bitter words I said as I read an unpleasant email from a boss, the comment I said to a friend that was rude without thinking, the way I treated someone to belittle them in order to feel more superior...

And the list continues...

While I've been meditating on that verse I all of a sudden am very aware of what I say, and how I say it.  The worst part is, sometimes it feels like things just keep spewing out - even when I'm consciously trying to watch what I say, and how I say it.  One thing that has come to mind recently is this: sarcasm.

But everyone uses it...right?  So what's the big deal?

Sarcasm may seem innocent, fun, easy... but in reality, I've realized quite recently that by using sarcasm I often cut people down, belittle them, all in what?  Good humor?

Another big thing I am convicted of is this: we curse men, who have been made in GOD'S LIKENESS

So God doesn't give me "approval" to talk badly about others - under any circumstances - no matter what they've done.

I think sometimes I feel as though I deserve to talk badly about another person because they hurt me.  But God makes it clear: they are made in HIS image as much as I am.  The topic of "deserving" something is one I will have to unwind in another post but I do believe we have an issue with the idea that we "deserve" this or are "entitled" to that.

So my prayer is this...

1) That I will be able to carry through the saying "think before you speak."
2) That I may not only be able to tame my tongue and what comes out verbally, but even purify my thoughts.
3) That I understand the true meaning that everyone is made in God's likeness and that hurt doesn't give me a "right" to use words to cut back.


Be blessed!

In Him,

Samantha

[James 2] - DO stuff. Walk the Talk.

Hello dear readers!

It seems to be a current theme that I'm now up at midnight blogging when it used to be that if I wasn't in bed by 10pm I would feel guilty.  Oh well.

So, I'm still reading James.  Still being highly convicted by this really short book in the Bible.  The power of words never ceases to amaze me.

I'm not going to discuss the entire chapter this time, I'm just going to pull out one thing that stuck with me in chapter 2 and that is this: you have to do stuff.

This theme shows up somewhat in chapter one as well but it becomes clear in chapter 2.

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? (v. 14)

Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is DEAD. (v. 17)

...but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? (v.  15)

It seems that within the "American" church today people are okay with coming Sunday mornings, listening, and letting it float out the other ear.  And I'm not saying I am guilty of these same things.  But we simply cannot just listen...we must act.  And its not even a suggestion in the Bible.  It clearly says faith by itself is DEAD...d-e-a-d, caputski, gone, nada, nonexistent...

So, you could have ALL the faith in the world.  You could read your Bible every day.  You could pray ever hour.  But without action... what is your faith, really?  I question myself a lot with this - if I believe in a heaven and a hell, a hell where there is real fire and people really suffer, and a heaven more wonderful then my brain can comprehend...then why do I not share my faith more often and with a greater sense of urgency????  This question literally keeps me up some nights.

Notice the last verse... "but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?" ...I read this verse and just stopped.  The next day I was driving in my car and really noticed those people standing on the corners with signs... God, do you mean I should do something about their physical needs?  The answer I received back: yes.  So I found a gas station, bought groceries, and brought them back (after trying to park on an interstate..this is difficult.).  I handed the man four bags of groceries.  He was crying.  I desperately wanted to share more of Jesus with him, but fear kept me from doing so.  So as I handed them to him I said something along the lines of "Jesus loves you! God bless you!  Good bye!"  ... Next time, I know I need to stop...pause... and actually have a conversation.

But the point is this... you can't just believe.  You can't just listen.  You can't just read.  You can't just pray.  You must, must, must act and do as Jesus did. 

Faith + deeds = bingo.

So, what will you do this week?

That is up to you.

Be blessed!

In Him,

Samantha

[James Chapter 1] - Thoughts to end a night

Hello dear readers!

This ones going to be a short one seeing as it is midnight.  But I wanted to jot down a few thoughts before they were forgotten into the dream world.

I've recently re-discovered the book of James in the Bible.  And, WOW.  I appreciate how blunt this book is because my personality is the same way.  It's convicting, to the point, and cuts to the chase.  Line after line spoke directly to my heart tonight during an evening of community worship at my house.    The following are a few (basic) thoughts on the first chapter of James...

He speaks about trial...

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you now that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." (1:2)

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial." (1:12)

In my life lately, I've been facing what feels like trial, after trial, after trial this year.  And in almost every dimension...emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially.  Recently, I've been "attacked" spiritually (which I will write about in another post), my mom was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer, my uncle was diagnosed with stage 6 skin cancer, I had $1,200 stolen from me, my car broke down several times (and cost several dollars) and the list continues...

I could complain.  I could choose negativity (and for a long time, I did).  I could be cynical (and for a long time, I was).  And, most people would say I have the "right" to.  But do I?

No.  I don't.  Because my sufferings are nothing in comparison.  Granted, Christ sympathizes with my sufferings and cares about them.  But how hard is it to consider your trials PURE JOY?  Hard.  But is it worth it?  YES, because BLESSED is the man who perseveres UNDER trial...

He speaks about sin and temptation...

"When tempted, no one should say 'God is tempting me." (1:13)

"...nor does he [God] tempt anyone." (1:13)

"each is tempted by HIS OWN evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death." (1:15)

This first verse is extremely interesting to me.  No one should say "God is tempting me."  I've heard it countless times.  People will be tempted and assume its some sort of crazy test.  But God isn't sitting up on a cloud going... "I wonder how much temptation Jane can handle this time.  I'll amp up the game and see what she does!"... no, no, no... GOD is NOT the one tempting you.  The verse goes on to say each is tempted by HIS OWN evil desire.  So...I will hazardly say that YOU are tempting YOU... and to some extent, I can see this.  We consistently put ourselves into situations that tempt us.

And do you notice the pattern?  Desire --> Sin --> Death

Interesting, isn't it?

He speaks about action...

"Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" (1:19)

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  DO WHAT IT SAYS.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." (1:22)

"...continues to do this, not forgetting what he heard" (1:25)

The massive thing that is a red flag for me in these verses is essentially... you can't just go to church, pop a squat, hear the word, and then carry on back to la-ti-da life.. being a Christian means putting Christ into action.  I can relate to the mirror depiction given.  I used to go in and out of phases of reading the Bible.  Then when I'd come back to it I felt as though I forgot everything I read before, even though I'd go through my Bible and find hundreds of notes and marks, I couldn't remember putting any of them there or what those verses said.

The last verse I want to highlight is this... "...keep oneself from being polluted by the world" (1:27)

What does this mean to you?

I'm still pondering it...



Blessings!

In Him,

Samantha

Wives and Husbands: Love & Respect

Hello dear readers,

Its been, well, almost a year since I've posted in this blog.  Today I decided I really need to "start up" this blog again.  No matter if people read it or not, I really need to write for me...

So here it goes.

It might not be consistent all the time, but I'm gonna give it my best shot. 

This one, is about a topic I've been pondering a lot lately, and to be honest, it might be a little all over the place.  But I'll try to write with clarity. 

...... on to the blog

One of the most famous passages in the Bible on Wives/Husbands is found in Ephesians.  Ephesians 5:22-33 addresses this concept.  For quite sometime (probably years), I would read this passage and my mind would center on the word submit when it says, "Wives submit to your Husbands."  I would stop there and think - me?  submit to someone else?  yeah, right, like that will happen.  My heart was icy whenever anyone brought this subject up.  Possibly because I've been in abusive relationships, but ultimately I just didn't like the idea of submitting to anyone.  Ever.  Period.  End of story.

Thankfully, God doesn't stop working on my heart even though I'm ignorant sometimes and quite frankly pretty stubborn.

So today, a pastor I was listening to preached on this passage.  And at first, those initial feelings of "here we go again..." came up... but I pushed them down and told myself I was going to listen with open ears.

I was surprised by what he said.  And I found myself nodding consistently throughout the message (nodding in agreement - not snoozing). 

The biggest thing that stood out to me was this -
1) God is and needs to be in control (and the center) of relationships
2) we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ
3) the wife/girlfriend/fiance relationship with God - and the husband/boyfriend/fiance relationship with God will determine the wife/girlfriend/fiance relationship with the husband/boyfriend/fiance

Submission doesn't mean coercive and one-sided... it is voluntary and mutual....this was my "AH HA! Light bulb" moment.

We don't submit because we have to...we submit out of love and service to Christ and others.

Bingo.  Win.  Breakthrough. 

I will want to submit to my husband/boyfriend/fiance out of love, respect... not because of force or obligation...

He said four things will cause breakups and divorce: criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness (Dr. John Gottman from the University of Washington came up with these).

Wives/girlfriends commonly criticise their husbands/boyfriends, which will lead to the husband/boyfriend stonewallling (shutting down emotionally) against their wives/girlfriends. And the cycle continues until there is no communication left.

In the Bible it commands husbands to love their wives.  It never commands wives to love their husbands.  But it does however command wives to respect their husbands.  Because men see love as respect (so in essence, it does command this). 

So my prayer is this. 

1) I will never immasculate or disrespect my future husband.
2) I will let God determine my husband, not my fleshy desires.
3) I will let God be enough.
4) I will learn the true meaning of submission and how it applies to my future marriage.
5) I will seek God in everything I do so that when I enter into a relationship it will be about Him not us.

Be blessed this week! 

In Him,

Samantha